


Damn It All

by Anonymous_Cupcake



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale Needs A Hug, Aziraphale/Gabriel is one sided, Heavy Angst, How does Raphael have a character tag?, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, They/Them Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens), Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-20 06:18:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20223211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous_Cupcake/pseuds/Anonymous_Cupcake
Summary: Gabriel was mad at himself. Maybe if he paid more attention to Aziraphale he would've noticed something. He could have stopped him from fraternizing with that demon and maybe then everything would be fine. Maybe Aziraphale wouldn't be crying on the floor, holding a pair of sunglasses that the demon would wear.(The self indulgent sequel to Forgiven by Arinia)





	Damn It All

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Arinia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arinia/gifts).

> So I read their fic and I loved it so much I just wanted to continue it and write some angst. There is still no happy ending for anyone.

Gabriel was mad at himself. Maybe if he paid more attention to Aziraphale he would've noticed something. He could have stopped him from fraternizing with that demon and maybe then everything would be fine. Maybe Aziraphale wouldn't be crying on the floor, holding a pair of sunglasses that the demon would wear.

_ "You are forgiven." _

Those three words, words that were meant to be comforting, ended up hurting Aziraphale more. He didn't move, couldn't bring himself to. Even when the other angels left, Gabriel stayed with Aziraphale.

"Damn you."

It wasn't a shock that Aziraphale was mad at him. The demon had tempted him, made him believe he was in love. Gabriel knew Aziraphale was being used, but the angel was in a state of denial. He tried an Earth custom he had heard before, hugging, he believes it was called.

"It's alright." He never speaks that softly, he's not supposed to. But, he thinks it's fitting, considering that Aziraphale is reluctantly hugging him back.

"Damn you." The angel continues to say. "I had made my choice."

Gabriel couldn't bring himself to let Aziraphale fall. After all, they were angels. They were supposed to believe in second chances. The demon was gone, and that meant Aziraphale was safe from harm. That's what Gabriel wanted to believe.

He gives Aziraphale time. He lets him stay on Earth for one year to calm down before returning to Heaven. "You belong up here," He told him. _ You belong up here with me. _

After exactly a year he went back down to Earth, which was still not destroyed, and went to the bookshop. He was surprised to see it closed down. He looked at the door and wanted to tear off the note written on it.

_ "My apologies, but the man I was in love is no longer here. I see no reason to stay here any longer and so I take my leave." _

Attached to it was a picture of the demon with a post it note that implied it wasn't Aziraphale that put it there. He desperately wanted to tear it off.

"Hope you didn't want to go in." A civilian told him. "Mr. Fell left a while ago. I think he said something about staying at his boyfriend's apartment."

Of course he'd be at the demon's place. He didn't have to, but he thanked the person and went to find Aziraphale.

The apartment is bare and cold, he didn't expect anything less. If he had been there before he would have known that the plants were gone, miracled away to be taken care of by a witch and a witch finder.

He finds Aziraphale on the couch, holding the demon's coat. It was one of the few things that didn't get destroyed. "Aziraphale."

The angel flinches and keeps his head buried under the coat. "Gabriel. What a pleasant surprise." Had he been crying?

"I'm here to take you home," He tells Aziraphale.

He looks up at Gabriel. "I am home." There's no life in Aziraphale's voice, and Gabriel sees the angel's dull eyes. It pains him, how badly this demon broke him.

"Why do you stay here? All he's ever done is hurt you."

Aziraphale looks away. "You don't know anything. I was a fool for thinking we still had time. I never got to tell him…"

That was the last straw. "Aziraphale, you were being used! Demons aren't capable of love and yet you're absolutely smitten. He didn't love you." _ I loved you, not him. _

Aziraphale laughs, and it helps Gabriel pretend he's ok.

"Where were you when I was locked up in the Bastille? Or when I was about to be discorporated by Nazis?"

No response. 

"He has a name too, you know. It's Crowley, and I was ready to fall to be with him. He was the only one that understood and I was a fool that was scared and pushed him away. And yet, he stayed with me until the end." Tears formed in Aziraphale's eyes. "Even during death he couldn't hear those three words I've selfishly kept from him."

When Gabriel was asked to leave, he didn't object. It was worse than he thought.

___

"You're in Heaven, why are you wearing _ that _?"

Gabriel was talking to Raphael, who had been spending more and more time on Earth. He had sworn it was to help out humans. He'd join gangs and get them to disband as well as heal people. Gabriel didn't understand why he did it, but Raphael said it was something to do now that Armageddon wasn't happening anytime soon. Raphael also liked the clothes, only it was more leather and spikes (he'll say it's to blend in but personally he just really liked them) with the occasional sweater.

"It's soft Gabriel," Raphael answered. He was wearing a sweater today. "Feel it." He grabbed Gabriel's hand and left him feel the material. He was right, the sweater was really soft. "So, what did you need me for?"

Right, he needed Raphael's help. "You remember Aziraphale, right? I believe he's been brainwashed by a certain demon we have executed."

"Hold on, you said Aziraphale?" Raphael asked. Gabriel nodded. "Yes, Aziraphale. So, you're going to help right?"

He wasn't sure how to respond. He had actually tried to help Aziraphale before, while the angel was distracted. He thought Aziraphale was brainwashed but he soon learned that he really did love the demon, no tricks or temptations were needed. There was no ethical way to help Aziraphale, as other ways to help would include erasing memories or actually brainwashing him.

He agreed anyway and decided to get drunk instead. He would just tell Gabriel it wouldn't work without hurting Aziraphale, and that would be enough to get Gabriel to back off for a bit.

During this time, Hell was busy trying to locate Crowley. They were supposed to execute him a year ago, but all traces of him had disappeared. They searched all over Earth, leaving no stone unturned (they weren't sure if he was in his snake form). When they ran out of places to check Ligur, who came back to life after the antichrist decided to not start Armageddon, suggested to search the one place they hadn't looked- Crowley's flat.

"This is stupid, he wouldn't hide in his flat for over a year." Beelzebub said as they entered Crowley's flat with Hastur and Ligur. Beelzebub wasn't worried about entering because they weren't there when Ligur had a particularly gruesome death.

"Something's not right here." Ligur said. He was right, because instead of finding Crowley, the demon who managed to avoid Hell for a year, they found an angel on the couch.

"Angel!" Beelzebub yelled, and Aziraphale jumped onto his feet for the first time in a year because he wanted to desperately believe that the voice he heard was Crowley.

"Oh. Hello there." He said when he saw the demons.

"The demon Crowley, where is he?" Beelzebub asked. Aziraphale saddened. "I guess Michael didn't tell you but Heaven executed him for you. S-saw it myself."

Hastur laughed, the bastard finally got what he deserved. Ligur grinned, for he knew firsthand how painful that was. "Very well," Beelzebub said. "We got strict orders from Gabriel to not bother you, so don't mention our meeting."

They were all about to leave when Aziraphale's eyes light up, like he had just realized something important. "Wait!"

The demons stopped. "What?" Beelzebub asked. Aziraphale took a deep breath, and glanced up to see if anyone above would notice.

"Can you-"

"Ah, Beelzebub! Wasn't expecting to see you here." Aziraphale froze when he saw Gabriel walk in. He wasn't supposed to be here. Did he know?

"We were just leaving." Beelzebub said. And with that, the three demons disappeared. The angel looked at Gabriel, who looked suspiciously relieved.

"Why are you here?" He finds himself back on the couch, legs too tired to continue standing.

Gabriel smiled. "I was hoping you were ready to come back. We are all waiting patiently for you." _ Please just come home. _

Aziraphale sighed. He couldn't bear to leave the flat. It was one of the few things that reminded him of Crowley. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I won't be going back."

"One more year, Gabriel said through gritted teeth. First, he learns that Raphael can't heal Aziraphale. Then, he learns that Beelzebub was on Earth. Now, the angel didn't even want to go home. Gabriel knew he couldn't let the angel stay on Earth for too long. "I'm giving you one more year and then I'm coming back to take you to Heaven."

"Gabriel please-"

"We will not discuss it further." He cut Aziraphale off. Everyone was worried about him, blamed themselves for not intervening sooner.

He pretends to not hear Aziraphale's cries. This was the right thing to do.

Halfway through the year a witch, a witchfinder, and the antichrist went to London. Anathema could feel that something was wrong. She had wanted to go see Aziraphale earlier, but never got the chance. She was worried ever since a bunch of houseplants were miracled into her home with a note asking to take care of them.

Adam had felt the same. He didn't have much of his powers, but he could tell something had changed. He was still just a kid, and had focused on other things before talking to Anathema about it. They've never been to Crowley's flat, but they managed to find it easily (Newt decided to stay in the car and wait).

The door swung open when it felt Adam's presence, he was still the antichrist after all. They found the angel still on the couch. "Uncle Fell?" Adam asked. He had trouble pronouncing Aziraphale's name, and the uncle bit was when he had told his dad Aziraphale and Crowley were his uncles.

Aziraphale looked up and forced a smile. "Oh, hello Adam. What brings you here?" Adam took a seat next to him while Anathema made a remark about needing a drink and went to find the kitchen.

"We were worried about you." Adam replied. "That, and Anathema suddenly had to care for a dozen houseplants." He didn't understand the significance of the houseplants, but he knew Anathema did.

Anathema came back holding two cups of tea. She handed one to Aziraphale, which he then gave to Adam. It's been too long since he actually ate or drank anything.

"Are the plants alright?" The angel asked. She nodded before setting her cup down.

"Where's Crowley?"

That was what caused his facade to break. In tears he retold the events that led up to now, omitting no details. Adam and Anathema could only listen and offer their sympathies. The boy wished he had more power, because maybe if he did, he would be able to bring Crowley back. He hugged the angel as he told them about what Gabriel said.

"I don't want to leave." The angel said in between sobs. He felt like all he'd done since Crowley's death was cry, because life without the demon was a sad and pathetic life to be living. He knew that they couldn't do anything to help, but thanked them for visiting. Adam promised to find a way to bring Crowley back, and it gave him hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, what Adam said would come true.


End file.
